::[ kampungkai ]::

Monday, May 30

Point - Shatters Masturbation World Record!

Yawn... waking up at 9am is just too torturous for me. If not for showing my face to mum downstairs, I would have slept till the sun shines on my ass and burn my skin. (ouch!) But if i were to wake up at 12noon, the 1st sentence that mum would shout is...
"do u know what time it is?!"
"what did u do last nite? what time did u sleep?!"

"u have turn into a ghost issit?! night time dun sleep; noon only wake up! I dun see u studying! wait till u fail your exam! useless son!"
(all were spoken in hakka dialect)

OK, the 3rd 1 is the 'combo' that i dun really wanna get haha! imagine that in hakka, it sounds better! i understand that she scolds me for the sake of myself, i admit my fault. Well, which parents don't love their children? So, i take her words and feel guilty for erm.... 10 minutes? (hahahhhaa anak derhaka! jk jk)

Anyway, after waking up, i sat down with 3/4 of my right eye closed, and a fully closed left eye in front of the PC and having difficulty balancing my head, i saw a link sent to me in msn by my old buddy - POINT. The link brought me to this (i cut and pasted it here)

May 30, 2005

It's official, Point is the new king of masturbation. In a stunning feat of endurance and determination, Point achieved 36 orgasms in a 24 hour period!

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POINT - the new record holder

Sleeping intermittently during the 24 hour marathon, Point remained focused and aroused by his impressive library of pornographic films. With over 400 films in his library and 3 televisions playing movies at all times, he had a continuous stream of footage to aid him in his quest.

It is apparent by the massive development of the muscles in his forearm that Point is not your average masturbator. In an interview with UJ reporters after the record setting event, Point was quoted as saying, "masturbation for me is a way of life. I've been training for this day since I was 13 years old and I'm happy with my performance today".

This record was formerly held by German Student, Hans Blickstein who achieved 27 orgasms in a 24 hour period. Mr. Blickstein was not available for comment.

When asked what his next world record achievement would be, Point said "my immediate goal is to get a bag of ice and some lotion on my penis to soothe the burning".

Impressed? hahaha... after reading, my right eye opened to 1/2, and my left eye allowed a lil light into it. All i could say was "wow... is this him or some1 with the same name?" Then i looked at that dark picture again, "hmm... this doesn't look like him, maybe he changed hairstyle". I was still so blur that i couldn't process the info but to believe it is him. 15 minutes later, after greeting mum good morning and washing up, i sat back down in front of my PC with both eyes fully opened. Clicked on IE, clicked on Yahoo, and typed "shatters masturbation world record". Waited...

Results :
Kaneel Shatters Masturbation World Record
Man Shatters Masturbation World Record
Darkmaster Shatters Masturbation World Record!
Candice Shatters Masturbation World Record
Ceedubya Shatters Masturbation World Record
Olf-The-Spanking-Clown Shatters Masturbation World Record
Terrence Cheung Shatters Masturbation World Record

Babi... i was fooled by him! *(@&#$()@^ ARGHHH! It was a news that could be altered by any1 on earth! Thanx to my sleepy eyes and brain, he got me! (POINT, u got me man... celaka u!)

hm... i wonder whether there's really such ppl who are so powerful with high endurance? and the weird thing is, these ppl would even take the effort of revealing to public something that is private. Maybe after that, he would have weak knees hahaha!

*Note : this is not a sex blog

Sunday, May 29

Bloody VIRUS @#*$&@#*()$^ !!!!

I'm writing this post with full rage and anger and frustration!!! Bloody hell, my pc was infected by VIRUS because of downloading. Well, also thanx to myself for being a full-time-pirate and download movies illegally (haha, who doesn't in Malaysia? Malaysia won the title for highest piracy rate last year, didn't we?)

Here's what happened. I 'was' using ARES (download software) to download my stuff, to be precise, STARWARS III - RETURN OF THE SITH. Though i was one of the millions who watched the premiere, but it's still ok to have a copy of the illegal copy rite? In addition to the among of ppl sharing it out on the network, why not take the opportunity of high speed download? So itchy fingers me, double clicked on it and the download started instantaneously. i was shock with the speed in 1 hand, and happy with the speed on the other, it was moving at a speed of +-28KB/s !!! something i seldom see in ARES. It's considered very fast and it finished downloading in 24 hours, happy me!

"STARWARS III - RETURN OF THE SITH finish downloading"
These were the words that pop up at the bottom right corner when it was ready. Uhhh, i could still remember the happiness on my face to have an illegal copy of that, waiting to show off to every1 that i have STARWARS III even though it is highly protected. Nah... things weren't as happy 5 seconds after that pop-up, the red light on my CPU was blinking furiously non-stop. Well, i thought it was ok, maybe a newly downloaded file needs some settling down period and the CPU will run. However, even after 30secs, the red light didn't go off, blinking so fast that it seems stationary. Darn, my PC lag to the max, i couldn't open 'My Computer', i could do nothing! Without any other thoughts, i knew it, "I'm attacked by VIRUS"

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The pitiful PC that had a heart attack, but he survived because he's strong!mmph!

Since i couldn't click on anything, or i should say it took ages for something to appear after clicking, my finger went to the ON/OFF button and restarted the PC. After restarting, eyebrows raised. "hmmm???? pc is ok, how come!?" no problem entering My Computer, D Drive. But once i clicked on the download folder (there's where all my download stuff goes to), the red light went on again! *sob sob... cpu usage in task manager was showing 100% even though no progrmas were running. Finger back to ON/OFF button.

So i found out that whenever i click on that particular folder, the VIRUS is activated. I cut and paste every other folder from that drive into another drive to save them from any further contamination. And back to that infected drive, i right clicked and format... There's nothing else i could do other than that.

Though i manage to cure it in less than an hour, but i feel very unsatisfied and frustrated. Why? Because i have 1 whole long list of downloads still running there and i have to clear/delete it off! i just couldn't save it. Sigh... wasted all my time for the downloads, wasted my parents' money on electricity bill, and wasted my happiness on having a copy of pirate STARWARS III. darn!

I was so looking forward to this list of downloads. All of them were near finish, only left a mere 5-20%. These were on the list :

1. Lost episod 1
2. Lost episod 2
3. Lost episod 3
4. Lost episod 4
5. Lost episod 5
6. Lost episod 6
7. Lost episod 7
8. Lost episod 8
14.Desperate housewives 122
15.Desperate housewievs 123

Sigh.. all gone, nothing left, not even ashes. Waited so long for it, hoping to watch a new series of Lost, hoping to continue on Desperate housewives, hoping to watch all espisods of STARWARS all over again... but in the end i get nothing. "Adakah ini balasan kepada aku sebab menjadi seorng lanun?" *@#($&#*$^@#$^

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From today onwards, I AM NOT GOING TO USE ARES ANYMORE. All this while i've never encountered such problem from other softwares (kazaa, bittorent, warez), but since changing to ARES, i've got infected not once, but twice! And it caused loads of chaos and havoc to my PC. For u ppl who r using ARES, do be careful. And for new users, just use other programs but not ARES, alright? Learn from the experienced.

There, there's all my frustration, all thrown into here. Now i feel better. Thanx for lending me your ears ya! hahahah... have a nice day! Hugz!
p/s : what software do u guys use? any recommendation?

Saturday, May 28

Yerr... Slimy Aloe Vera Gel

Aloe Vera. All i know about it is that it's one of the plants in my garden, it is something like the Pandan plant, but with 10 times thicker leaves and light green in color rather than dark green. It has torns/spikes by the side of the leaves, so be careful while handling it. Here's a pic of it if u have not seen 1 b4...

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Aloe Vera Plant, CACTUS Torns, ouch!

I walk around my garden so often, passing by this Aloe Vera so many times, but just didn't pay attention to it, treating it as another 'green' thing around my house. However, sometimes i see my mum walking around the garden with a knife (like the movie I KNOW WHAT U DID LAST SUMMER scary!) , then she'll enter the kitchen with 1 whole big piece of Aloe Vera in her hand.

Me : wah, so big piece, what do u need it for?
Mum : to apply on hair. told u so many times d, it's good for your skin and hair! everyday know how to gel your hair only, no wonder your hair so dry and spoilt, this is natural, moisturizes your hair! come, i help u apply!
*runs away like speedy gonzales, hihihi...

Man... that thing is darn slimy ok, when i see my mum fillet and seperate it, the juice is like egg white, and it stretches like pizza's cheese, then drips, ewww! ew! ew! ew! ew! ew! Applying that to my hair? no no! *hands cross like ultraman !

Well, that was long time ago. Things have change since then. After listening to my roommate that he uses Aloe Vera to cure his acne, i started believing in the power of Aloe Vera. U know la, we never listen nor believe to what our parents say til our own friends, teachers, or even strangers talk bout it, correct?! (admit it! i dunwan to feel like i'm the only inobedient, bad boy) So, just now i saw my mum applying it on her hair, and she tried persuading me to apply it. To her surprise, i accepted her challenge! It's just a slimy plant, what harm can it do to me? hmph! i'm gonna box it like Mike Tyson if it DOES harm me! I'm all ready!

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u see that slimy juice?

I followed mum's instruction, went to the kitchen, took up a knife, cut a 2 inches length off and slice it into 2 (just like the pic above). And there again, i saw the 'slimy juice'. Took a deep breath, i held on to the sides of the leave, trying to avoid contact with the juiceeee and walk to the sofa to watch tv. Put 1 piece on the coffee table, and the other on my fingers.

"Piak!", a small splash of the juice on my scalp (close my eyes). Then, i move it around, applying it all over my hair... hmmm after 10 secs of application, not that bad eh? feels cooling too in fact! starting to like it hahah! so rub rub rub, and rub rub rub till left with the green skin only. Then something extra came to my mind.

Me : mum, can apply on the face?
Mum : cannn... *as she nods her head

Can't believe i asked her that! the previous me had such high phobia with the slimy juice, and now i wanna apply it on my face? I'm just so retarded! hahaha! And so here i am now, with my hair and face drenched with Aloe Vera Gel, the slimy gel. Hope tomorrow i'll be more handsome! (haha... dream on dumbass)

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Aloe Vera Farm, dun think Malaysia has such farm ya?

Before writing this post, i went through the search engine, looking for some info on this Aloe Vera thingy. To my amaze, Aloe Vera does wonders and helps we humans in so many aspects of life. According to 1 of the website, the fresh gel was used by Cleopatra to keep her skin soft and young! Now u girls out there, this is something to learn and follow ya! Stay pretty!

Old legends say growing an Aloe Vera plant in the kitchen will:
i) guard against evil
ii) help prevent burns and mishaps while cooking
iii) prevent household accidents

HAHAHHAHA! prevent burns and mishaps while cooking, mannnn i should tell my mum later! and this Aloe Vera drink below, reminds me of my friend who is doing direct sales now, he's selling exactly this product(the pic below) for the company - Forever Living. Sigh.. to tell the truth, i dislike my friends who are doing direct sales, they are annoying and can go to the extend of making me avoid them once and for all. And he is damn lucky that i'm promoting this for him, darn!

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Forever Living - Aloe Vera Drink

Thursday, May 26

Giraffes and exams

Again, i'm back from such a long rest. Life has been busy for me for the pass whole month, especially in studies of the electronic systems and complicated high-tech-end cockpit. My brain has gone through frying, steaming, boiling, scalding, baking...... & watever way of producing an edible brain. (yukssss!)

I feel so exhausted right now. I wish there was a technology which can read my mind and write it out here, rather than having me using my fingers to type. I'm just so tired. Test just finished today after a 4 day battle. I was down with sorethroat, flu, and a block nose in 3 out of the 4 days, but thanx to a miracle yesterday afternoon while i was on my way back from lunch, i've recovered! I bought a green coconut from a lil stall beside the road after taking the advice of my roommate that coconuts can do wonders. Paid RM1.80 (i was grumbling how come it is not RM1 only, since i was in a kampung, not KL!!) and the Makcik chop off the upper and bottom part for me.

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*Do not do this to your "kepala"

Upon reaching my hostel room, i took out the can opener and punctured my "buah-coconut-tapao". SPLASHHHH!!! the cool water splash all over my face and it felt so refreshing, i closed my eyes and tilted my head up, enjoying the coolness just like how SK II facial cleanser does to our face - POM POM POM! After having a lick around my lips to taste the coconut water, i opened my eyes in disgust. "ewww... how come it's sour!" (then i found out it was my sweat)

Anyway, i consumed the drink and had a 2 hour nap. After i woke up, my sorethroat and flu was cured, amazing? believe it...

Hm... i've gone out of the topic of "Giraffes and exams" eh?
*pulling the rope back.... uh! uh! uh!

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"Do i look sexy?"

Today, i had my last paper, it was about PowerPlant Electrical. Basically it's about how the aircraft engines move the generator to produce electricity for u guys to read in the airplane, for pilots to control the plane, and many many more. Without electricity, an aircraft cannot fly even though it is filled with kerosene.

I studied very hard for all 4 subjects throughout the 4 days, sleeping an average of 4 hours daily. I went for the exams and passed 3 of them (today's 4th paper result not out yet), didn't pass with flying colors though, just merely. The papers were tough, and i would have failed if not for the 4 hours of sleep daily. Anyhow, i was satisfied that i passed the papers, if compared to 60% of my fellow coursemates who failed it.

But I was stunned and amazed by this classmate of mine, let's name him Schumacher (Vroom Vroom!). Schumacher skips most of his classes, he sleeps in every class, he doesn't seem interested in studies, teachers always scold him, and he is just cool and calm about it, just like a cucumber. But from the test results, he scored the highest for 2 subjects and also a highly respectable result for the 3rd paper, indeed i was having thoughts in my brain whether he has a baby hantu that protects him and does wonders in exams too! how come? how come? how can he score such high marks from the way he is acting all this while? unbelievable...

ahhh.... then only i remembered that he befriends a genius in my class, then only i remembered that he always sits bside the genius during exams, then only i discovered that his highly-respectable results were not from himself! He was playing truant all this while! and u know what? his results were better than his Sifu (the genius). So me and a few more guys started teasing the Sifu, saying "eh Sifu, how come your student can beat u? hahaha! U must do something about it man, else 1 day your student will turn over his rice bowl, and run away, no loyalty to u! hahaha!" the Sifu just smiled in return, cool and calm like his student.

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Aww... He looks so sad...

Today's test was something different. This time i was sitting on the right hand side of Sifu, and the student was on the left behind seat of his almighty Sifu. I purposely chose that seat and payed notice to the Giraffe. Wow... darn i was amazed by how long the neck of this animal could stretch! respect! Kaotao! He was also calling out his secret S.O.S code in a very low frequency "Sifu! Sifu!" To his disbelief, the zoo keeper didn't want him anymore, the zoo keeper had enough of him, the zoo keeper had my words running in his brain "he'll betray u, he is not loyal to u!" Zoo Keeper shooke his head when Giraffe called his name and even covered his answer sheet with the questions. I was looking at the whole drama from start to end, seeing how frustrated Giraffe's face was, seeing how deep-shit he was walking out from the exam hall, hahaha! it just made me laugh.

I did my own paper as i wanted to remain a Hippo with short neck rather than a Giraffe with a long one hahahah! With full confidence, i can say that i did the paper pretty well. U can say that i'm cruel, but think of the consequences when he graduates, it leads to your safety on flight, correct? would u want such aircraft engineer to sign your plan off as safe-to-fly? no compromises can be taken in the aviation industry. I feel very very tired, gonna sleep now... ZZZzzzz....